how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
