i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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