I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
