I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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