I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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