do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
