I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
