There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
