thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
