No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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