Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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