She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When are your genitals available?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
