i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
