My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
