party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
