remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just cropdusted the office
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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