i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
