I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
...so i touched it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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