I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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