Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
