so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
