At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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