look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
