i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
