Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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