Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
