sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
