Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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