If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
