that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
