I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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