when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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