Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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