happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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