You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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