do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
