Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
