I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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