how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
