I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
