I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
