and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
