I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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