did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
