having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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