hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
