pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
