i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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