I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
