you guys were way drunker than both of me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
