Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
