Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sorry about my life...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
