theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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