I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
