This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
