Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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